I Am The Very Model Of A Suzaku Court Warrior
by Purple Mouse
Summary: Ummm...this is a song spoof, to the tune of the Modern Major General song from 'Pirates of Penzance.' ^_^() This time it's...Miaka! ^_^
1. Default Chapter

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Disclaimer: Ehehehehe… ^^;;;

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Warnings: It was a moment of madness!! Ahhh!!!!

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Notes: Errrr…yeah. This is to the tune of "I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major General," from The Pirates of Penzance. ^^;; I'm just weird. I do want do to one of these for all the seishi, though, because…ehehe, it's kinda fun. ^___^() 

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I Am The Very Model Of  
A Suzaku Court Warrior

(Nuriko)

I am the very model of a Suzaku Court Warrior  
If you don't think I'm really cool, you never could be sorrier  
I'm stronger than an elephant, but ob-vi-ous-ly prettier  
And smoother-skinned and smaller-boned and wider-eyed and wittier.

When Hotohori-sama looks at me, my eyes get spark-i-ly  
Though all the other se-i-shi might then regard me dark-i-ly  
I'd sacrifice my life so that my miko can have caviar.  
Okay, so I was lying, and I really wouldn't go that far.  
  
(Okay, so he was lying, and he really wouldn't go that far!  
Okay, so he was lying, and he really wouldn't go that far!  
Okay, so he was lying, and he really wouldn't go that go that far!!)

But I am quite heroic when it comes to human sacrifice  
(Aside to Yuu Watase: that Hokkan thing wasn't very nice.)  
And though my death could not have possibly been any gorier,  
I am the very model of a Suzaku Court Warrior. 

(And though his death could not have possibly been any gorier,  
He is the very model of a Suzaku Court Warrior!)  
  
Though people like to tease me cuz I'm used to acting feminine  
And glare like someone's opened up their mouth and put a lemon in,  
I'll always be myself! Their sneers are just a triviality.  
Although it's argued I've adopted Kourin's sexuality.  
  
But whether you agree or not with he of whom I'm amorous  
You must admit I'm very cute and relatively glamorous  
I hop around and kill things off and run about heroically  
(Quite unlike Mits, who sits around just contemplating stoically.)

(Quite unlike Mits, who sits around just contemplating stoically!  
Quite unlike Mits, who sits around just contemplating stoically!  
Quite unlike Mits, who sits around just contemplating stoic-oic-ally!!)

I saved Miaka from that old gazebo that collapsed on her  
And took it rather well when they discovered I'm a cross-dress-er  
And though my death could not have possibly been any gorier,  
I am the very model of a Suzaku Court Warrior!

(And though his death could not have possibly been any gorier,  
He is the very model of a Suzaku Court Warrior!)

I've battled zombies, phantom wolves, and folks who would assassinate  
And beat up all those bandits Hotohori seemed to fascinate  
I've given all my food to stop Miaka's tummy rum-bl-ing  
And helped her when that stupid lovers' statue started crum-bl-ing

I've done my best to make sure Tama doesn't tear his life apart  
At detriment, I have to add, to the well-being of my own heart  
I've helped out others countless times in spite of my own weariness  
And always helped defend my friends despite my morning bleariness

(And always helped defend his friends despite his morning bleariness!  
And always helped defend his friends despite his morning bleariness!  
And always helped defend his friends despite his morning bleary-bleary-ness!!)

I've broken tables, thrown a piece of wall into the vestibule  
And have you seen my weird stuffed toy? I won it at the festival.  
And though my death could not have possibly been any gorier,  
I am the very model of a Suzaku Court Warrior!

(And though his death could not have possibly been any gorier,  
He is the very model of a Suzaku Court Warrior!)

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TBC… --;;


	2. I Am The Very Model of a Melancholy Heal...

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Disclaimer: Gilbert and Sullivan are both dead. I am not dead, and therefore, I am neither one of them. And I don't own FY. Hmph.

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Warnings: I'm on drugs. (or, at least, Pepsi One.)

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Notes: Omni-chan asked for Mits, so here he is!!! ^__^() Hope you like him!

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I Am The Very Model Of A

Melancholy Healer Guy

(Mitsukake)

I am the very model of a melancholy healer guy  
I'm always really quiet, which I often have to justify  
I used to be quite happy, running joyous through the greenery  
But then, to my immense despair, I got a change of scenery.

My Shouka was a lovely girl, so gentle and so beautiful  
To her, with all my heart, I meant to be completely dutiful  
Alas! When I went off to heal some other guy in Timbuktu,  
Poor Shouka, in my absence, was infected with the super flu.

(Poor Shouka, in his absence, was infected with the super flu!  
Poor Shouka, in his absence, was infected with the super flu!  
Poor Shouka, in his absence, was infected with the super super flu!)

Well, I returned and she had died, and I became unsociable.  
And only by my little cat was I at all approachable.  
And since no matter where I go, my heart can always feel her die,  
I am the very model of a melancholy healer guy.

(And since no matter where he goes, his heart can always feel her die,  
He is the very model of a melancholy healer guy!)

I stayed a hermit till one day a bunch of people visited  
I didn't like the guilty thoughts their selfless pleas elicited  
But I was sick of humans, and I wouldn't stoop to heal their wish,  
Especially since she who needed healing tried to steal my fish.

But then they said that Shouka was alive, and I just lost my head.  
Apparently, she'd been possessed, and was now raising the undead.  
I shaved for the first time in years to show my handsome, gentle face  
(I must admit that, bearded, I looked somewhat like a mental case.)

(He must admit that, bearded, he looks somewhat like a mental case!  
He must admit that, bearded, he looks somewhat like a mental case!  
He must admit that, bearded, he looks somewhat like a mental mental case!!)

I raced to town in seconds flat, much shorter than my reckoned time,  
Confronted Shouka, and was forced to slaughter her a second time.  
And since no matter where I go, my heart can always feel her die,  
I am the very model of a melancholy healer guy.

(And since no matter where he goes, his heart can always feel her die,  
He is the very model of a melancholy healer guy.)

So I became a se-i-shi and went to call the Phoenix God  
My fellow stars, I soon discovered, all were relatively odd  
They all had tragic pasts, though they pretended not to care, hap-py  
Despite their masks. I think they needed mucho psychotherapy.

I went along and used my healing powers to regenerate  
But then, alas! Nuriko fought a werewolf, and I came too late!  
I felt so awful, but he died, and he was really bleeding, man.  
(But I saved Tama ev'ry time, because he is the leading man.) :P :P :P 

(But he saved Tama ev'ry time, because he is the leading man!  
But he saved Tama ev'ry time, because he is the leading man!  
But he saved Tama ev'ry time, because he is the leading leading man!!)

I couldn't save Chiriko, either, to my devesta-a-tion  
And later gave my life to save my Shouka's incarna-a-tion  
And since no matter where I go, my heart can always feel her die,  
I am the very model of a melancholy healer guy!

(And since no matter where he goes, his heart can always feel her die,  
He is the very model of a melancholy healer guy!)

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TBC….

(Ehehehehehe….umm, yeah. ^_^() Anyone have a preference about who should come next?)


	3. I Am The Very Model of a Handsome Young ...

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Disclaimer: Yah yahhh…

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Warnings: Ehehehehe…kotwas warning, just a little itty bitty bit

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Notes: Hotohori was in the lead when I started doing another one…but now Tasuki has the most votes, so I'll do him next. ^__^ But…I do want to do everyone eventually, Seiryuu included. ^__^ Therefore! Worry not, all you fans of Chiriko and Tama-neko!! ^_~ 

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Pointless Note: Wahahahahahahaha, these are so much fun to do!! ^___^() I have no life.

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I Am The Very Model Of

A Handsome Young Imperial

(Hotohori)

I am the very model of a handsome young imperial  
Just watch me in my beauty in my garb of fine material! ( ~.^;;; )  
My hands are white and slender and my neck is arched quite gracefully  
I outshine all the brightest stars, it could be said, disgracefully.

When I was young, I wasn't as attractive as I am today.  
Of course, I was adorable, but in a very different way.  
But beauty isn't everything. My mirrors were my only friends,  
And I was forced to satisfy myself with very lonely ends. 

(And he was forced to satisfy himself with very lonely ends!  
And he was forced to satisfy himself with very lonely ends!  
And he was forced to satisfy himself with very lonely lonely ends!!)

I knew I was a se-i-shi, that Destiny would carry me,  
And dreamed that, when the Miko came, she'd promptly want to marry me.  
And since I'm the epitome of elegance ethereal,  
I am the very model of a handsome young imperial.

(And since he's the epitome of elegance ethereal,  
He is the very model of a handsome young imperial!)

Oh woe is me, the Miko came and snuffed out my incessant joy!  
She'd gone and fallen deep in love with some obnoxious peasant boy!  
I tried to win her favor, but her heart was lost eternally  
And I could not combat him, since we two were linked fraternally.

We soon found out Nuriko was a boy, so cute and debonair  
I liked him well enough, but there was no way he'd produce an heir.  
(Though some may say we weren't in love because of his virility,  
You can't ignore the fact that it's at least a _possibility_.) --;;

(You can't ignore the fact that it's at least a possibility!  
You can't ignore the fact that it's at least a possibility!  
You can't ignore the fact that it's at least a possibili-bili-ty!!)

  
But anyway, Nuriko went to Hokkan, where he was to die.  
And I betrothed a lovely girl who looked exactly like the guy.  
And since I'm the epitome of elegance ethereal,  
I am the very model of a handsome young imperial!

(And since he's the epitome of elegance ethereal,  
He is the very model of a handsome young imperial!)

I must admit, it kinda stunk that I was Konan royalty  
For, though I truly wanted to embrace my seishi loyalty,  
To all my plans to travel, I was forced to act as canceller  
And had to stay at home and play Backgammon with my chancellor.

I know it was my duty, but it really gave me angry chills.  
I could have been such help, but no! I stayed behind and vetoed bills.  
If Tamahome had the same disast'rous job that I possessed,  
Perhaps we'd be more even, vying for Miaka's interest.

(Perhaps we'd be more even, vying for Miaka's interest!  
Perhaps we'd be more even, vying for Miaka's interest!  
Perhaps we'd be more even, vying for Miaka's inter-interest!!)

But she was ever faithful, and her dearest love she'd not betray.  
I guess it worked out fine, because I wound up dying anyway.

And since I'm the epitome of elegance ethereal,  
I am the very model of a handsome young imperial!

(And since he's the epitome of elegance ethereal,  
He is the very model of a handsome young imperial!)

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TBC…

^___^() Ehehehe…some of the rhymes are rather sketchy, ne? And NO, Nuriko will not be mentioned in all of these. ^^;;; I promise. 


	4. I Am The Very Model of a Fangy Pyromania...

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Notes: Errrrrrrr…………..I don't think this one is as funny as maybe the others are, and I'd like to apologize to disappointed Tasuki fans. ^^;;;; 

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I Am The Very Model Of

A Fangy Pyromaniac

(Tasuki)

I am the very model of a fangy pyromaniac  
Ya never have to worry, buddy, if I'm there to watch yer back  
I got a magic tessen that shoots fire at my beckoning  
I've fried about a hundred thousand bad guys, by my reckoning.

Okay, so yeah, I sometimes miss and other people are flambéed  
But jeez, come on! That ratio is well and truly overplayed!  
If Tama'd only learn to duck and changed his freakin attitude,  
The incidents would drop in which he'd be severely barbecued. 

(The incidents would drop in which he'd be severely barbecued!  
The incidents would drop in which he'd be severely barbecued!  
The incidents would drop in which he'd be severely barbe-barbecued!!)

I understand that frying friends is rather unconventional  
(But maybe there's some truth in people saying it's intentional)  
And since I'm the best guy to have in any kind of armed attack,  
I am the very model of a fangy pyromaniac!

(And since he's the best guy to have in any kind of armed attack,  
He is the very model of a fangy pyromaniac!)

I lead a buncha bandits and am known for being vigorous  
We only take the best of men; our training program's rigorous  
We lead a roguish life, and I can bet that lotsa women'll  
Say that they'd rather shave their heads than partner with a criminal!

But that's just fine, cuz women stink, and all throughout your life, beware  
Their nagging voices, painted lips, and ostentatious underwear!  
They prey upon the minds of men, their natural simplicity,  
And hypnotize them into trading swords for domesticity!

(And hypnotize them into trading swords for domesticity!  
And hypnotize them into trading swords for domesticity!  
And hypnotize them into trading swords for domestici-stici-ty!)

But since I've now decided that my seishi title's wearable,  
I have to take back some of that and say Miaka's bearable.  
And since I'm the best guy to have in any kind of armed attack,  
I am the very model of a fangy pyromaniac!

(And since he's the best guy to have in any kind of armed attack,  
He is the very model of a fangy pyromaniac!)

But just cuz I'm a handsome guy and victim to misogyny,  
And of my many siblings, I'm the only manly progeny,  
To insult me and call me names is freakin ineffectual  
I don't like women, but I ain't no freakin homosexual.

Oh sure, there's all these rumors that I'm linked to men romantically  
Especially with Chiri, and I must deny that frantically  
For god's sake, can't a guy have friends with whom to watch ESPN?  
Just cuz you've got close female pals does not make you a lesbian! ( Gahhh --;;;; )

(Just cuz you've got close female pals does not make you a lesbian!  
Just cuz you've got close female pals does not make you a lesbian!  
Just cuz you've got close female pals does not make you a lesbi-lesbi-an!) --;;;;;;;

So now my song is finally done. Mouse-chan's a piece of mental work.  
I gotta run to town, I've an appointment for some dental work.  
And since I'm the best guy to have in any kind of armed attack,  
I am the very model of a fangy pyromaniac!

(And since he's the best guy to have in any kind of armed attack,  
He is the very model of a fangy pyromaniac!)

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TBC… 

Gahhhhhhhh… I'm sorry. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;; Ehehe. And no offense to all the Tasuki/Chichiri fans! Tasuki's just being defensive. ^_^;;


	5. I Am The Very Model of a Cool Cyclopic M...

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Warnings: Bad use of vocabulary!!! Ahhh! Okay. So. The term "cyclopic" _really _refers to a specific disease called cyclopia, wherein the victim has only one eye because the optic cavities merged together or whateverrrr… BUT "cyclopic" can also mean "of or relating to a Cyclops," and since Cyclops only have one eye, then it can mean having one eye! ^_^;; If I wanted to be _technical, _the true term would be "monocular." But it didn't fit the rhythm. **sniff** Aaaanywayyyyy. ^_~

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I Am The Very Model Of

A Cool Cyclopic Monk, No Da!

(Chichiri)

I am the very model of a cool cyclopic monk, no da  
I hang around with Tasuki and console him when he's drunk, no da  
We two have bonded quite a bit in the last year or five, no da  
Which has a lot to do with being the only ones alive, no da

I'm oldest of the seishi, when they're sad, they come to me, no da  
Although I'm almost always stuck in chibi or SD, no da  
But when they need me se-ri-ous, I'm there to save the day, no da   
Although when I'm not goofing off, I very rarely say "no da."

(Although when he's not goofing off, he'll very rarely say "no da!"  
Although when he's not goofing off, he'll very rarely say "no da!"  
Although when he's not goofing off, he'll very rarely say no say "no da!")

It's sad the others died, I'll never quite get over that, no da  
(Of course, it had its benefits, and I got a free cat, no da)  
And though that thing with killing Hikou really really stunk, no da,  
I am the very model of a cool cyclopic monk, no da.

(And though that thing with killing Hikou really really stunk, no da,  
He is the very model of a cool cyclopic monk, no da!)  
  
You'd think that be-ing picked by God would fill your life with glee, no da  
But as it is, I've had more than my share of mi-se-RY, no da  
Just like the other members of our gifted seishi cast, no da,  
I've suffered in my youth and had a very tragic past, no da

I had two friends for whom I would have gladly risked my life, no da  
One whom I loved as brother, and one whom I loved as wife, no da  
Of course, we never married, but the marriage plans went wry, no da  
When one day I saw her and Hikou kissing on the sly, no da

(When one day he saw her and Hikou kissing on the sly, no da!  
When one day he saw her and Hikou kissing on the sly, no da!  
When one day he saw her and Hikou kissing on the sly no sly no da!)

We fought and he fell off a cliff, the water risen high, no da  
I couldn't pull him up, and then a treebranch hit my eye, no da  
And though that thing with killing Hikou really really stunk, no da,  
I am the very model of a cool cyclopic monk, no da.

(And though that think with killing Hikou really really stunk, no da,  
He is the very model of a cool cyclopic monk, no da!)

I swore I'd never love again, religion was my task, no da  
I didn't heal my scar: instead, I got a magic mask, no da  
I say it's to remember Hikou, how life can be cruel, no da  
But hey, it also makes me look mysterious and cool, no da

I trained alone for several years at Mt. Ta-i-kyo-ku, no da  
My goal became to serve the gods, my life began anew, no da  
To Taiitsukun's abilities all mortals should defer, no da  
But honestly, somebody oughta give a mask to _her_, no da

(But honestly, somebody oughta give a mask to her, no da!  
But honestly, somebody oughta give a mask to her, no da!  
But honestly, somebody oughta give a mask to her no her no da!)

Aha! I didn't mean it! Just a joke, it was a lie, no da!  
If she found out I said that, then I'd lose the other eye, no da!  
And though that thing with killing Hikou really really stunk, no da,  
I am the very model of a cool cyclopic monk, no da! 

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TBC…


	6. I Am The Very Model of a Chipper Epicure...

Notes: Ehe, hi. ^_~ See?? I _have _been working on stuff! I just haven't finished anything until recently. ^_~ ****

A Message from Mouse-chan's Dictionary: In case anyone wonders, here is the dictionary definition of "Epicurean."

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Epicurian _n _(14c) **1: **a follower of Epicurus **2: **_often not cap _**: **EPICURE

And subsequently:

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Epicure: one with sensitive and discriminating tastes, especially in food or wine.

Well. The definition in my other dictionary was more akin to Miaka's relationship with food, so please, just accept it. ^_~

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I Am The Very Model Of

A Chipper Epicurean

(Miaka)

I am the very model of a chipper Epicurean  
I'm unlike other heroines, romantic and Arthurian  
Watase says I'm one of the more chubby girls in THE ci-TY   
But jeez, I'm 1-Oh-6! It doesn't constitute obesity!

If my metabolism were by any means quotidian  
My life would go from shades of gray to windowless obsidian  
I'd weigh about three thousand pounds, my cardiac disease disclose,  
And there's no way in hell I'd fit inside those skimpy priestess clothes.

(And there's no way in hell she'd fit inside those skimpy priestess clothes!  
And there's no way in hell she'd fit inside those skimpy priestess clothes!  
And there's no way in hell she'd fit inside those skimpy priestess priestess clothes!)

But luckily, I can allow that extra slice of cantaloupe  
Since I digest things faster than a cheetah chases antelope  
And since I'll eat most any food, from Russian to Anturian,  
I am the very model of a chipper Epicurean!

(And since she'll eat most any food, from Russian to Anturian,  
She is the very model of a chipper Epicurean!)

Before I reached Kounan, none of the boys were very nice to me  
They called me stupid names, and then they wouldn't give their rice to me  
But here in Shi Jin Ten Shi Sho, I listen when the peons say   
That ev'ry single guy I meet wants me to be his fiancee

First Tamahome fought with Hotohori to acquire me  
And even Tasuki, who hates girls, decided to desire me  
Then Amiboshi came back from the dead and gave his heart away  
Nuriko loved me too, but I reminded him that he was gay.

(Nuriko loved her too, but she reminded him that he was gay!  
Nuriko loved her too, but she reminded him that he was gay!  
Nuriko loved her too, but she reminded him that he was he was gay!)

But I love Tamahome, and I'll never ever look away!  
And soon we will be married! Hmm. I hope that he can cook okay.  
And since I'll eat most any food, from Russian to Anturian,  
I am the very model of a chipper Epicurean!

(And since she'll eat most any food, from Russian to Anturian,  
She is the very model of a chipper Epicurean!)

My best friend Yu-i hates my guts, our friendship seems to be a mess  
Since she got sucked into the book, she's suffered awful PMS  
She's in Kutou, and thinks that I betrayed her quite maliciously  
And Nakago has warped her mind to think of me suspiciously

She gave my boyfriend kodoku so he would start a massacre  
It sucks that she makes all these awful things that come to pass occur.  
If I were not so nice, I wouldn't care if someone gave her glass.  
But as is, my mission is to whup Kutou and save her ass.

(But as it is, her mission is to whup Kutou and save her ass!  
But as it is, her mission is to whup Kutou and save her ass!  
But as it is, her mission is to whup Kutou and save her save her ass!)

Some people think it's strange I didn't let our tension slink about.  
But it was time for lunch, and I had better things to think about.  
And since I'll eat most any food, from Russian to Anturian,  
I am the very model of a chipper Epicurean!

(And since she'll eat most any food, from Russian to Anturian,  
She is the very model of a chipper Epicurean!)

TBC…

^_~


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